so i made a death-pact with myself that i woulnd't blog about work. and im not. im simply posting a picture of my business card. or the one i made via shape-shifter blahstein's card. B/c frankly... its business time, and i need some cards for all the business i will soon be making. b/c its wednesday, and you know what day wednesday is.
in other news my roommate is a homewrecking slutwhore. more to come about that later.
9.13.2007
check out how important i am
9.11.2007
Are you there God? its me kelly. why did you let noah kill the dinosaurs?
I got a package today. the greatest package of my entire life (thank you mr. woolard).
I ripped it open, tearing the bubble wrap with intense excitement to find Dinosaurs Unleashed: The true story about dinosaurs and humans. It is fully illustrated. And i have learned many, many things tonight. And i would like to share them with you.
First of all, evolutionists pretty much just want you to go to hell. they work together with Satan to come up with epic lies about "carbon dating" and hid the fact that humans scratched shit in walls that can be interpreted as a dinosaur when you're high (on Jesus). They also invented the "holocaust," "sex" and the word "fuck."
Secondly, humans and dinosaurs lived in utopia together. Judging from the pictures, b/c its written on a 3rd grade level and thats a little difficult for me, it appears that dinosaurs would eat some meat and fight, and humans would draw them and make little toys for the babies. If you were cool enough, you would even get to ride them! Being that i am so awesome, I'd have a whole slew of dinosaurs to ride. Jesus would probably ride them with me.
Thirdly, geology is all fucked up. I didnt even know this about geology, but it is all wrong. You see, the simple-to-complex order established by scientists that shows progression in species through the layers of soil can't be right b/c when noah's flood came it would have mixed all the layers up. Plus some bug or something had weird devil eyes that are more complex then species after it or some shit, so obviously geology is wrong. So was my 
genetics professor who told me 80 percent of mutations negatively impact organisms. I know a secret though: he works for Satan, too. Jesus book: 3, evolution: 0.
And lastly, there is Noah. That mutherfucker killed the dinosaurs with his stupid boat and flood. Now the book says that the dinosaurs lived through the flood and then mysteriously died afterwards b/c they couldn't handle the climate change. I just want to clarify that i believe everything else in the book except this b/c it contradicts itself. It totally shows an illustration of all the dinosaurs drowning in the flood. And everybody knows that the dinosaurs were too fat to swim b/c meat is so yummy. mmm... meat. Jesus book: 3, evolution: 0, ME : 8 bazillion!
I feel as though Kyle Butt and Eric Lyons opened a whole new world to me, showing me the truth about science. I'm terribly ashamed of my work at the national evolutionary synthesis center. The National Science Foundation and their agendas... I hope Jesus will forgive me. But not Noah, hes a fuckface.
If you want your own copy, you can get it here: http://www.apologeticspress.org/catalog/product_info.php/products_id/7
9.10.2007
the pros and cons of day drinking.
since college ive participated in a great sport i like to call day drinking.
Day drinking can start anytime before 8 pm, but really the earlier the better. Sometimes it beings at about 8 am. The goal is to be as drunk as possible as early as possible and then maintain that for as long as possible (while still awake). Yesterday I broke my day drinking record.
I began drinking around 3 pm, and being that I hadnt had a chance to start eating yet, i was completely intoxicated by 3:30. It was awesome. I ate hummus. I played wii. I slapped mad bitches. And i maintained until about 2:30 am. Thats 11 hours of awake intoxicatedness with no breaks. If it weren't for the Youngs, im pretty sure it would be a world record. Man, im awesome at drinking.
so the pros of day drinking: your drunk early so the fun starts early, you feel the need to begin bouncing to the beat asap, food tastes even more delicious for longer, you can do more stupid shit and chalk it up to the booze, when you stumble around aimlessly it doesnt really matter b/c its still light out, music sounds better and your wondrously a better singer, karaoke, the ability to drink faster, quicker, stronger, the ability to cage fight, resurrecting the dinosaurs. all side effects of day drinking.
the cons. today i feel the shit. absolute and total shit. and i missed the faust puppet play. argh.
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