I've known greggy for a long time, and i adore him. But man, does this kid hate everything. He's the quintessential hipster asshole. He even hated my Christmas Extravaganza letter, which i think everybody knows was completely awesome. He obviously deserves this post.
In no particular order, this is a list of things greggy hates (and why):
1) Babies. he wants you to get an abortion b/c chances are, the baby is his and he's not paying for that shit. Plus they smell bad and cry a lot.
2) Dragons. I was going to say Dinosaurs and Magic but this covers both. I'm not sure what they ever did to him, maybe it's b/c i love them more than him. Thats probably why.
3) Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake has a
bigger head then Greggy, which who knew was possible. Greggy hates people with bigger ANYTHING than him. One time my pompadour was bigger than his and he blew a gasket. (I look pretty awesome as a man, file that information away for later).
4) Girls. I think everybody knows he's man-meat only, but just in case: MAN-MEAT ONLY!
5) Disney movies. I think it might be b/c he finds Aladdin so attractive (he is sort of man-a-licious in a weird cartoon way) and is uncomfortable about it. He often averts his eyes when approached by attractive cartoon men.
6) Hats. They would hide his pompadour. (no brainer)
7) Iowans. Especially this time of year (caucus time) b/c they take all the attention away from his emo-driven rantings about CVS not being open to sell him cigarettes at midnight and his inability to be as awesome as me. Poor greggy. emoticon :(
1.03.2008
greg hates everything.
Crystal is a fat ass.
"Crystal... does it hurt?" I said, extremely concerned.
"Like I'm carrying your child, the spawn of satan," Crystal said like a bitch.
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