Welcome to the Celeblahblog! This is your round-up of celebrity and pop-culture news, a veritable one-stop shop for all things gossip. It’s hard to stay ahead of the news, so the best I can do is report it, hope you haven’t heard yet, and make some snarky comments. Following this lovely introduction, I will now launch into the first edition. ENJOY!
Yes indeed, Nick Cannon (27) and Mariah Carey (38) are engaged. Or at least rumored to be. Talk about cougar – RAWR. The news broke when Carey was seen sporting her “bling” (gag me) at the premiere of her new film, “Tennessee.” Some may be shocked by this story, but let’s be honest, the most shocking part of this news is that Mariah Carey was cast in another film. Really? Has no one seen Glitter? Ok, fair point. NO ONE saw Glitter. And with good reason.
Hello Lolita! The above photo is majorly controversial (apparently). If you’re not aware, this is a photo of the latest young vixen Miley Cyrus, as taken by Annie Leibovitz for the June issue of Vanity Fair. I’m not quite sure why it’s so controversial. Then again, I’m not quite sure why she’s so famous. I’m not even sure who she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know who her dad is – Billy Ray Cyrus of “Achey Breaky Heart” fame. And apparently she’s got multiple platinum albums and a hit show. But I’ve never seen her show and I’ve never heard her songs. Nor have any of my friends. This makes me wonder – am I really that old? Really that out of touch? No, I don’t think that’s it. At least I hope not.
Anyway, Miley-Poo is in hot water for looking uber-sex-kitten in this pic and others in the VF issue considering that she’s only a fifteen year old. She’s supposed to be a paradigm of virtue for some reason – I think Disney has something do with it, though we all know Minnie is a slut. She has come out in response saying something about only watching the “clean” version of Sex and the City (aka the TBS version). I’m not quite sure how this has anything to do with anything, but it was said. And I can’t really be bothered to understand the back and forth.
The truth is, I think Miley has gotten so much backlash because she DOES look sexy. And men who look at the images feel uncomfortable lusting after jailbait. Personally, I think she looks like a teenager. But I can’t say I’m shocked by the outcry. People are always angry at celebrities for this or that. I mean, people were so pissed at Britney for dropping her kid on his head twice. And at Winona for shoplifting. And at Lizzy Grubman for mowing people down in the Hamptons when she was drunk. These things happen people! Celebrity = no consequences, duh! Live and let live!
Yup, that’s Paula Abdul. The walking train-wreck is in trouble again after Tuesday’s version of American Idol (side note: this episode could have been amazing as it was Neil Diamond night but each contest picked the most obscure songs and they all pretty much bored me to tears) in which Paula reviewed one contestant for two performances, even though he had only performed once. The next day Abdul was in tears as bloggers had apparently torn her to shreds. But no! You guys! Come on! She was confused! She misread her notes! The rules changed! Jason Castro is really hot! Ummm ummm Ryan Seacrest!
I’ve heard several “double-vision” jokes, which you won’t read here. But I will tell you this: I believe that it is apparent that Paula Abdul has a problem. Those Coke cups which she sucks on like a baby cow to its mother’s teat all episode are clearly not full of soda. That bitch is getting fucked up. I don’t buy the excuses for slurring, tripping, stumbling, rambling, mistakes. It’s not confusion. You’re not overtired. Cut the crap, Abdul. Do you really think it’s better to look like a bumbling idiot than someone with a problem? Get with the trend – check in to Cirque Lodge, chill with Lohan, get a back rub, and come back. Or not. I really only liked you in the “Opposites Attract” video. Well, I liked the cat anyway.
MANISTON!!! Oh yeah – I said it. The term has just been coined right here in the middle of K Hel’s boobs!!! So, yeah, I just did some research and there’s really not much to report. They saw each other in Miami, went to dinner, and then went back to Aniston’s suite for a fantasy date a la the Bachelor. After that, they were spotted cavorting and canoodling all over Miami, where Aniston is shooting a movie, and spent five raucous nights together proving that Jen’s body truly is a wonderland. US Weekly spends about three pages speculating whether or not the two will stay together – is he too much of a playa? Is she too insecure? Do I give a shit? I’m holding out for a sex tape, Pamela and Tommy Lee style. Give me something salacious here, Maniston!
Other news you may or may not care about:
· Liv Tyler and her busted husband are reportedly getting a divorce. Sadpants.
· Star Jones and her husband are also getting a divorce. Gaypants.
· Carmen Electra is engaged (again) to some dude whose playing for Korn but isn’t really part of the band. Lamepants.
· Heidi Montag (The Hills) and Chace Crawford (Gossip Girl) made out a while ago. Slutpants.
· Uma Thurman testified against a stalker today in an NYC court. Psychopants.
That concludes this edition of the celeblahblog. Stay tuned for Monday’s column, where I’ll break down People’s “100 Most Beautiful People” list and let you know any other late-breaking gossip.
- L. Tob
Yes indeed, Nick Cannon (27) and Mariah Carey (38) are engaged. Or at least rumored to be. Talk about cougar – RAWR. The news broke when Carey was seen sporting her “bling” (gag me) at the premiere of her new film, “Tennessee.” Some may be shocked by this story, but let’s be honest, the most shocking part of this news is that Mariah Carey was cast in another film. Really? Has no one seen Glitter? Ok, fair point. NO ONE saw Glitter. And with good reason.
Hello Lolita! The above photo is majorly controversial (apparently). If you’re not aware, this is a photo of the latest young vixen Miley Cyrus, as taken by Annie Leibovitz for the June issue of Vanity Fair. I’m not quite sure why it’s so controversial. Then again, I’m not quite sure why she’s so famous. I’m not even sure who she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know who her dad is – Billy Ray Cyrus of “Achey Breaky Heart” fame. And apparently she’s got multiple platinum albums and a hit show. But I’ve never seen her show and I’ve never heard her songs. Nor have any of my friends. This makes me wonder – am I really that old? Really that out of touch? No, I don’t think that’s it. At least I hope not.
Anyway, Miley-Poo is in hot water for looking uber-sex-kitten in this pic and others in the VF issue considering that she’s only a fifteen year old. She’s supposed to be a paradigm of virtue for some reason – I think Disney has something do with it, though we all know Minnie is a slut. She has come out in response saying something about only watching the “clean” version of Sex and the City (aka the TBS version). I’m not quite sure how this has anything to do with anything, but it was said. And I can’t really be bothered to understand the back and forth.
The truth is, I think Miley has gotten so much backlash because she DOES look sexy. And men who look at the images feel uncomfortable lusting after jailbait. Personally, I think she looks like a teenager. But I can’t say I’m shocked by the outcry. People are always angry at celebrities for this or that. I mean, people were so pissed at Britney for dropping her kid on his head twice. And at Winona for shoplifting. And at Lizzy Grubman for mowing people down in the Hamptons when she was drunk. These things happen people! Celebrity = no consequences, duh! Live and let live!
Yup, that’s Paula Abdul. The walking train-wreck is in trouble again after Tuesday’s version of American Idol (side note: this episode could have been amazing as it was Neil Diamond night but each contest picked the most obscure songs and they all pretty much bored me to tears) in which Paula reviewed one contestant for two performances, even though he had only performed once. The next day Abdul was in tears as bloggers had apparently torn her to shreds. But no! You guys! Come on! She was confused! She misread her notes! The rules changed! Jason Castro is really hot! Ummm ummm Ryan Seacrest!
I’ve heard several “double-vision” jokes, which you won’t read here. But I will tell you this: I believe that it is apparent that Paula Abdul has a problem. Those Coke cups which she sucks on like a baby cow to its mother’s teat all episode are clearly not full of soda. That bitch is getting fucked up. I don’t buy the excuses for slurring, tripping, stumbling, rambling, mistakes. It’s not confusion. You’re not overtired. Cut the crap, Abdul. Do you really think it’s better to look like a bumbling idiot than someone with a problem? Get with the trend – check in to Cirque Lodge, chill with Lohan, get a back rub, and come back. Or not. I really only liked you in the “Opposites Attract” video. Well, I liked the cat anyway.
MANISTON!!! Oh yeah – I said it. The term has just been coined right here in the middle of K Hel’s boobs!!! So, yeah, I just did some research and there’s really not much to report. They saw each other in Miami, went to dinner, and then went back to Aniston’s suite for a fantasy date a la the Bachelor. After that, they were spotted cavorting and canoodling all over Miami, where Aniston is shooting a movie, and spent five raucous nights together proving that Jen’s body truly is a wonderland. US Weekly spends about three pages speculating whether or not the two will stay together – is he too much of a playa? Is she too insecure? Do I give a shit? I’m holding out for a sex tape, Pamela and Tommy Lee style. Give me something salacious here, Maniston!
Other news you may or may not care about:
· Liv Tyler and her busted husband are reportedly getting a divorce. Sadpants.
· Star Jones and her husband are also getting a divorce. Gaypants.
· Carmen Electra is engaged (again) to some dude whose playing for Korn but isn’t really part of the band. Lamepants.
· Heidi Montag (The Hills) and Chace Crawford (Gossip Girl) made out a while ago. Slutpants.
· Uma Thurman testified against a stalker today in an NYC court. Psychopants.
That concludes this edition of the celeblahblog. Stay tuned for Monday’s column, where I’ll break down People’s “100 Most Beautiful People” list and let you know any other late-breaking gossip.
- L. Tob
1 comments:
Miley looks like she drank too much koolaid, adding to the kiddie porn aspect of that picture.
That or she's auditioning for an Anne Rice made-for-tv movie.
Post a Comment