Cinco De Mayo: Tequila Monday is Inspirational

[Ed note: Non sequitur warning.]

I love tequila so much that I often name days of the week after it. No day is safe. This is the first tequila Monday in honor of Cinco De Mayo, so we’ll see how it goes. I think it will be a beautiful thing.

So my automatic association with tequila is my glorious ex David of shamrock streaker fame because, really, tequila is the only thing we ever had in common. And I noticed while on gchat earlier that he was on, so OMGZ, I pinged him. This is the sort of thinking that generally gets me in trouble and causes people to think I’m in love with them (or a stalker). But I do it anyways because I care about others and my heart is very large.

Some background on our relationship: it was horrible. And I don’t think he would disagree with me about that. Our main problem is that neither of us have feelings, but he liked to project cliché female feelings onto me about hating his friends and weird things like that. (For the sake of never letting old arguments die: dear david’s friends, I like you times infinity.,. beat that Woolard!)

The only time we ever spoke about anything of consequence was after I arrived to pick him up on the way to my parents’ house, but he was so drunk that one dude was propping him up while the other was trying to feed him water out of a Brita pitcher. But they were all so intoxicated that really just a bunch of water was getting splashed around and David was drooling as though he had just suffered a lobotomy. Which I would say, probably wouldn’t have changed the situation much. I felt a “grownup people talk” after that was necessary because he was 23 and had somehow graduated college as a valedictorian (your guess on this one is as good as mine), but I still didn’t break up with him because I have faith in people.

And let’s face it. We’re all clingers. We all hang on a little bit longer than we should because not being with the guy who runs around campus in a man thong is a little bit scary. Regardless if you only hang out infrequently and most of the time you’re both wasted. Thus, David and I have sort of remained friends for the past year, albeit our relationship has mostly consisted of whenever I gchatted him or he got so wasted that he decided calling me was a good idea. But we’ve entertained the idea of trying to hang out, I mean we did occasionally have fun together.

Correction: I entertained the idea because I like people. This is the full circle to the introduction. In our tequila Monday conversation today I had an epiphany that 1) not only would he never make the effort to see me now if he hadn’t made an effort to see me while we were actually dating, and 2) why the fuck would I want to make the effort to see him? It’s not like sex was ever part of the deal, that might turn the table a bit. And I can drink tequila with anyone. Like for example, tonight with Dana, Emily and Diana.

So then, I deleted all of my exes off my gchat buddy list. And I feel liberated. Because I don’t understand why we all feel so obligated to keep in touch with people we’ve, you know, touched. Probably inappropriately.

Thus, for Cinco de Mayo Tequila Monday I feel as though as though we should all liberate ourselves from self imposed mildly retarded relationships.

Can I get a Hallelujah!!!!!!!