I’ll keep you my dirty little secret…

I have a confession to make: I am completely fascinated by sexual fetishes. Actually, I’m fascinated by all things completely out of the ordinary, such as rare diseases, serial killers, and other things of this ilk. I think this stems from being so strange as a child. By the time I got older, I learned to embrace my oddities, but growing up it wasn’t necessarily considered normal to just start singing and dancing to 80’s songs in the middle of the street. So I think being odd made me want to find other strange people – people stranger than me – so I felt more normal. I don’t know. Enough of this psychobabble bullshit.

Luckily, I’ve found a way to feed my intense hunger for freaks – television, naturally! The best two shows I’ve found that delve into sexual fetishes are WE’s “The Secret Lives of Women” and the television-station-formerly-known-as-UPN’s “The Tyra Banks Show.” Below are the latest fetishes I’ve learned of that I thought you might want to read about. So strap on your adult-diaper and get ready. Pictures follow the descriptions.

Adult Babies- I’ve seen adult babies on both WE and Tyra, and both times the segments featured women who wanted to “return to their childhood” and felt that they had to grow up too fast the first time around. So now they’ve decided to don diapers (which are sold on specialty websites), wear their hair in pigtails, dress in onesies, drink from bottles, sleep in custom-made cribs, and…well, the list goes on and on. Often times, the babies are able to find partners, whom they refer to as “mommy” or “daddy.” On WE, the chick’s “daddy” would change her diaper (number one only – he set a limit), would make and feed her dinner, and then read her children’s books before bedtime. Then they had sex. I mean, ok so the premise of this fetish is sweet and all I guess, but what happens when the couple actually has a baby? Is there only one parent? Or will the adult baby be forced to grow up and become a mother? This makes my head hurt.

Body Building/Female Wrestling- On WE’s sexual fetish show, as well as on WE’s “Secret Life of a Body Builder” show, even on Tyra, viewers were given an inside look into the kinky side of strong women. When not competing for body building titles, doing reps at the gym, or mixing protein shakes, some of these women are finding ways to make quick money off their “sexy bodies.” Some take provocative pictures and post them on the internet (not too shocking), while others set up wrestling sessions with male fans. The women will charge between $400 and $500 per hour, for all sorts of things including posing, “muscle worship,” wrestling, and more (though they won’t admit to any specific sexual acts as this would qualify as prostitution).





Fire Fetish- One of the girls on WE was a dancer who performs in a Fire Fetish Show. She wears risqué clothing and dances with fire, lighting parts of her body on fire with fluid on and off. Obviously, she extinguishes it right away, but issues have occurred in the past. She has burns on several parts of her body because of not extinguishing quickly enough during performances, but as she said, “When you’re playing with fire, you’re gonna get burned.” Some people who really get into the fire fetish are turned on by hanging out with firemen (though you can’t fault them – firemen are HOT) and fantasize about having sex in a bed while it’s on fire.

Furries- Yes, I realize most of you have heard of this one. But I figured I’d add it on just in case someone hasn’t seen either the MTV “Sex2k” or “Entourage” episodes about Furries, or read an article about the community. So, basically, Furries are people who get turned on by dressing up like animals, such as the Easter Bunny, and who hold conventions all across the country where they get together and discuss their mutual interests (like hot cartoon characters – think: Jessica Rabbit) and occasionally have sex with each other. A lot of times, the costumes will have a little patch on the crotch that opens for easy access so when they’re ready to go, they can just fuck like rabbits. Sorry. Couldn’t resist. Though I must say, while I’ve mentioned rabbits a lot, there are a TON of other animals that are popular in the community. Commonly grouped in this community are Plushies, who have an attraction to stuffed animals; so similar, but different.

Horse Play- A type of BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism) horse play involves a couple or more people (man/woman, woman/woman, man/man, whatevs/whatevs) coming together to act out a horse and rider scenario. Let’s say, for instance (as depicted below), the man wants to be the horse. He will be outfitted with a saddle and a bit, and will carry his partner around on either his shoulders or his back. His partner will sit in the saddle with a whip and reins and ride the “horse,” giving out punishment as she sees fit. Those into this fetish will go on retreats where they can spend time being horses and riders all day long – I saw one of these retreats a few years ago on another episode of MTV’s “Sex 2K.” If you saw it too, you’ll recognize the following image:





Silicone Sex Dolls- This one may be my favorite. Well, not my favorite fetish, but my favorite one to watch. From BBC America’s “Love Me, Love My Doll.” People tend to compare it to “Lars and the Real Girl,” but I haven’t seen that movie, and, to be fair, this documentary came out first. Anyway, it profiles men who own silicone sex dolls (they “feel real” because they’re silicone) which retail for about $8,000 each. Some of the guys own more than one doll (one dude even owns eight) and the men constantly discuss how they feel like they have an actual relationship with their dolls. The British man profiled on the show takes his doll out and about around town, even to the beach, though she has to travel in a wheel chair because clearly she can’t walk. Another man, from Texas, is profiled during the early stages of a real relationship. He’s the one who owns eight dolls. Though scared to divulge his secret to his new girlfriend, he figures she’ll be open-minded because she has a nose ring. Sex doll, nose ring…yup, about the same… Anyway, he invites her over to dinner for his birthday and she gets to meet two of his dolls. Her immediate reaction? “I need a beer.” You can guess what happens after that. I think, though, that the real travesty in this whole situation is how poorly these “boyfriends” apply make-up to their dolls. Each and every doll looks like a hooker, or a lady of the night if you prefer. They all wear blue sparkly eye shadow and liquid liner, and either peach or hot pink lipstick. I swear: I could go into business teaching Real Doll owners how to apply makeup properly. Anyway, back to the summary. I think the best way to wrap this up is with a comment from one of the owners. DaveCat (below) says of his doll, “I’m always there for her and she’s always there for me.” No comment necessary.





Sploshing- When this was first mentioned on WE I was confused. I was like, “So? People explore caves. What’s the big deal?” But that’s spelunking. Wrong activity my friends. Sploshing is defined as “A wet and messy fetish…whereby a person becomes aroused when substances are deliberately and generously applied to the naked skin, or to the clothes people are wearing.” On the show, the woman had pies thrown in her face while nude, had pudding dumped over her head, food thrown at her; you know, a little bit of everything. By the end, the woman was not even recognizable; all you could see was food and the whites of her eyes. I don’t really get this at all. I mean, I know people use food in bed, but this isn’t like “hey baby, let’s break out the whipped cream!” It’s like, “hey baby, let me buy a gallon of whipped cream and dump it on your head and then use you like a human slip and slide!” Nope. I don’t get it. Maybe I lack imagination?





Squashing- This fetish comes to us direct from Ms. Tyra herself. This is when a reasonably fit man enjoys being sat on/laid on/stood on/jumped on by an obese woman – and by obese, I mean 400+ pounds. The couple who exposed this to the world featured a tiny, nerdy man and his 500+ pound wife. And boy do they LOVE squashing. She jumps on top of him and rolls all over him (kinda like a steam roller) in bed. Then there’s a woman, who was 600+ pounds and charges to perform this service on clients, which pay $300 an hour, and more if they’d like to be stood on. I wonder about the liabilities! What the hell happens if you stand on some guy and crack his ribs in half? And he sues? Aren’t you fucked? Oh well. Watch the clip to fully understand squashing.




Tickling- Tyra had some guests on her recent fetish show who divulged their LOVE for tickling as a form of foreplay. Apparently there is an entire community online for people who have tickling as a fetish. Wikipedia claims that the BDSM community doesn’t officially recognize them, even though the prolonged tickling could be considered “torture” and there is the do-er do-ee aspect of the activity.





Trampling- There’s a whole group of people out there who get turned on by being stepped on. By entire groups of women. With or without sneakers, but for Tyra’s guest, Pete, shoes are preferable. It’s also OK if you stand on his face or on his junk. Pete says, “I want a girl to walk all over me.” As someone with a severe aversion to feet, I really don’t get this one. Even Tyra was grossed out and asked the dude if he’s ever had “athlete’s face”. OOOOh Tyra, you’re so funnnnnnny hahahahaha. Hate you.






So what’s my conclusion after all of this exploration? Well first off, there are a lot of kinky people out there. But second, these kinky people find partners. Which gives me hope – if these people can find someone then there’s gotta be someone right for all of us!

Then again, what happens if you marry the perfect man/woman and then one day he/she turns to you and says, “Oh sweetie – will you change my diaper?”