Season Finale-o-rama! So many amazing shows ended last night. Tear! I am so angry. But another good one began – smile! Oh, spoiler alerts (DUH!)
Let’s start with the most important finale of all: Gossip Girl. OMFG, as the GG-ers would say. Dan and Georgina totally hooked up (“we didn’t have sex but we might as well have”) – what the fuck does that mean? Is that GG-speak for 3rd base or something? Then Dan and Blair totally set G up in Central Park and her parents are there and send her to reform school – some place called “Penance” – very appropriate. I LOVE Blair who ends the scene with, “Haven’t you heard? I’m the crazy bitch around here.” Meanwhile, in adult land, Lily and Rufus love each other, but I guess loving means letting go or some bullshit. Because Lily marries Bart which is dumb.
On the Chuck front, he realizes how much he loves B and so makes a completely inappropriate wedding toast to Bart, but it ends up landing him a makeout session with B on the dance floor. While those two make out, Serena and Dan can’t seem to get it together. Serena lies too much. Dan is too rigid. Serena didn’t cheat even though she said she did. Dan did cheat, even though they were sorta on a break. Anyway, they’re done but clearly they’re not done. I mean, really. We all know that next season those two are getting back together. Please. This will NOT be without obstacles though.
Cut to one week later. Basically, previews for next season. Chuck ditches Blair at a helipad to hook up with some blonde chick (played by real life gossip girl Lydia Hearst) while Blair goes along with some rich older dude. Dan and Vanessa plan on spending the whole summer together, with her batting her eyelashes at him seductively as he mends his broken heart. And then Serena and Nate bump into each other on the UES and decide to spend the summer together in the Hamptons. Oh. And little J is gonna be interning for B’s mom. Yay?
PREDICTIONS: So clearly, next season Nate and Serena, and Dan and Vanessa are going to come back dating or having hooked up. Things will be awkward. But clearly, Dan and S will still be in love.
FEELINGS ON THE EPISODE: I thought it was good, but last week’s was definitely superb. This was a bit slower moving. But it definitely left me psyched for next season.
House = Tears. Last night, House continued in his quest from last week to repair the sick person from the bus accident, which we found out in the last couple of minutes of last week’s episode was “Psycho Bitch” Amber AKA Wilson’s new girlfriend. Anyway, House feels mad guilty and Wilson’s a wreck the whole show while they try to figure out what the hell is wrong with her. 13 is dealing with her own issues too – and House convinces her to finally take that test for Huntington’s. Turns out that 13 does indeed have the genetic disease. ANYwho, House is going nuts, as per usual, trying to figure shit out when he really should be resting since he just cracked open his skull and had a heart attack. But clearly he doesn’t care. Wilson convinces House to undergo a very risky procedure, which could kill him (deep brain stimulation) so that House will remember what happened the night before and how/why Amber is sick. House agrees because Wilson is his best friend and he clearly feels guilty about Amber.
Turns out, House called Wilson to pick him up from a bar after work where he got sloshed. Amber came instead. They argued, he stumbled onto the bus but forgot his cane and she followed him onto the bus with it. She sneezed a few times, as she was coming down with the flu, and took medication. UH OH. The medication apparently was a death sentence – it poisoned her when the bus hit and her kidneys got shut down. House relays all of this information during the procedure, cries for the first time on the show, has a grand mal seizure and slips into a coma. So what did Wilson and Cutty do? They wake up Amber so she can live for like an hour and say goodbye and then die. WHOA sad pants. Wilson and Amber sobbing hysterically and me at home crying too. Not nice. Meanwhile, House wants to die, but can’t and when he wakes up he realizes he may have lost Wilson as a friend. Did you want to see her die? You wanna cry? Ok – wish granted:
PREDICTIONS: OK, I don’t really think that Wilson will give up his friendship with House. Yes, he’s sad, but really, House was willing to risk his life in order to save Amber. I mean, that should count for something. It’s not like House fed her the pills or made the bus crash. ALSO I think that next season we may see a more sensitive side to House. He made it clear that he doesn’t want to be miserable anymore, so maybe he’ll finally find some love or something. Maybe with 13. Who knows?
FEELINGS ON THE EPISODE: I also think that last week’s episode was better. There was more action and more confusion. BUT this week’s was really good. And REALLY sad. I mean, I really didn’t expect them to kill off Amber. Not like she was such a central character but still. And I did like that House showed actual compassion and concern. It was nice to see a little more softness to his usually brusque personality.
Flavor-Flav!!! Yes indeed. Our man, Flavor Flav crowned his fair lady love for the THIRD time. He claims he won’t be back again, but who knows how true that is? Anyway, the show went like this: The three girls, Sincere, Black, and Thing 2 all met Flav for brunch in Cannes. At which point, Flav decides that Sincere has in fact NOT been sincere at all, and has been stabbing the other girls in the back. OK. He didn’t decide that. He decided he’d rather try and get into Black’s pants than into Sincere’s. No – really. That’s what happened. So Sincere had to go.
Black (who is white) and Flav took a jet to Monaco where they did stupid shit all day and Flav fell asleep. Then Flav invited Black up for a nightcap and of course she went and we all heard the typical :::moan::: :::sigh::: (lights out).
Next day, Flav boards a private jet with Thing 2 (the prettier twin left standing) and they had to gay Paris. They also do stupid touristy crap. And then they go to dinner, and Thing 2 tells him cheesy jokes and he laughs blah blah blah but NO! She will not get busy with him! Like Monica, she wants to get down, but not the first night. Good for you, Thing 2.
So now back to Cannes for an elimination. Who will it be? The new girl or the previously-eliminated-but-brought-back-girl-who-wouldn’t-put-out? YUP our man Flav gave those beautiful gold Teef to Thing 2, his new girl. She may not be as pretty as Hoops, or as stacked in the back as Delicious, but she sure does seem to love Flav. Maybe this one will actually last.
PREDICTIONS: They showed Flav proposing to someone on next week’s reunion episode. My gut tells me it’s all a hoax and he proposes to Lala, BUT I’m gonna have to say he actually makes the commitment to Thing 2. I think maybe he actually likes her!
FEELINGS: I didn’t want Black or Sincere to win. I definitely liked Thing 2 the best. So I was glad she won. Yay!
In other news, the Bachelorette premiered last night. In the past two weeks, I have something I’d like to refer to as Spring Fever, or rather that illness that the chick in “Black Snake Moan” has which really isn’t an illness but you catch my drift. Anyway, as this is the case, the Bachelorette seems perfectly tailored for my mood. However, even in my heightened state of finding every guy attractive, I found nearly every guy on that show to be ugly/toolish right off the bat.
I mean these men are NOT the pick of the litter. Clearly, since they’re looking for love on reality TV, but you’d still expect some kind of quality. But ABC couldn’t really come up with anyone stunningly good-looking (like Matt Grant – the last bachelor). One guy, Damonte or something like that, was literally a Joe Francis doppelganger. I mean, you take one look at the man and you just see The Clap.
Ah well, I wish this new Bachelorette all the luck in the world. I’m sure I’ll be watching the show because, well, all of the really good shows have ended, and what the hell else is there to watch? But I really hope they give these guy makeovers or something…
And with that I conclude my wrap up of last night’s TV which I was SO compelled to write about. See you on Monday (maybe sooner) for the next Celeblahblog!
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