Little known fact: I love religion. A lot. I have an entire del.ici.ous account devoted to articles about religion. Serious ones. And today I began a summer class at NYU about the history of religious art. But I often give off the opposite impression because I tend to poke fun at fanatical beliefs rather than examining their purpose and meaning. So I just want everyone to know that, hey, I understand we’re all just metaphorically smoking some pot and searching for our purpose. And Jesus is a great way to find that stairway to heaven. Bad me for poking fun. Thus, in the spirit of spring and resurrection, and my mom telling me she thinks I'm going to hell, today marks the beginning of a more intellectual discussion of religion. Well, sort of. As much as can be expected.
So what better way to begin this shitshow than a religion that blends my two most favorite things: science and religion. Enter Scientology…
In case you missed it, science has become more than just wack theories and has turned its focus from curing AIDS to challenging traditional religious beliefs. An example: creationism v. evolution. Religions have now found themselves in a sensitive position, trying to keep the faith alive with a balancing act between “science” and traditional beliefs by putting stock in interpretive ideas such as intelligent design. They also have to fight against the more new age-y religions that have gained popularity in the past 20 years—religions that offer more varied solutions to people’s search for redemption. An example: Thetans (spirits) willed themselves into being and created the universe. That would be you, my darling little Scientology boo boo boo.
I know what you're thinking. Tom Cruise. John Travolta. Chef. The greatest South Park ever made. Space invaders. Volcanoes. But these are the same things that could turn Ron Hubbard’s religion into the greatest story ever told.
Time lends validity to religion. So does persecution. The Christians have the Romans, the Mormons have the current American population, the Jews have everybody. The Scientologists have Trey Parker. The magical antics of Jesus seem much more possible when they happened 2000 years ago in a far away land. Like Oz. Sure Jesus turned water into wine, but those same advocates swear that he sure as hell didn’t cross the Atlantic after his resurrection to play some b-ball with the Native Americans and teach them a little something-somethin about Christianity. Probably because they weren’t Jewish. (Mormonism is an issue for a different time…)
Scientology introduces an entirely different concept to religion, if not a new concept to life, that challenges and threatens traditional beliefs. It is a theme that comes up repeatedly in our culture. It’s the point of the new Indiana Jones. The very awesome Andromeda Strain on A&E. What is it? Aliens. Hahahaha. No, seriously. In our society it is becoming easier to believe willed spirits and aliens perpetuating the human race than a God. At least Aliens come from somewhere, even if that somewhere is as abstract to us as where a God comes from. Why can’t spirits be dumped into a volcano in Hawaii? I have no idea, I didn’t make the religion rules. And neither did you.
It definitely strikes the “NOT normal” button in our minds, but frankly the story of Scientology’s fruition is about as important as the Virgin Birth—which to some may be very important, and to others not at all. The actual religion is about being in control of your body and your thoughts. It involves intense meditation and learning to solve your own problems. They are often criticized and called a cult, but so are Catholics.
The definitive beliefs of scientology are fairly shrouded, perhaps because of their persecution and labeling as a cult, or perhaps because you have to pay to play. But many of us have been spoon fed only half truths about a religion many people find solace in, and we judge because it offers answers we consider strange.
We probably shouldn’t do that so much. Check out more information about Scientology:
Official Web site
youtube channel
Wikipedia (grain of salt people)
religioustolerence.org
bonafidescientology.org (sponsored by the church)
Recent articles:
Cult Friction
Rolling Stone (2006)
I Smell Pussy (this may not be serious...)
5.28.2008
Scientology: The blending of my two favorite things...science + religion ( magic).
Web Site Webolumn
MOON PIES
This could be the greatest thing I’ve ever read in the news.
“Homeless man allegedly attacks man with Moon Pies"
Posted: May. 27, 2008
GALESBURG, Ill. — Police in Galesburg said a homeless man was arrested for allegedly attacking an 84-year-old man with a box of Moon Pies.
The elderly man told police he was on his way out of a dollar store on Friday when he felt something striking him repeatedly in the back. He said he turned around and saw that 53-year-old Michael Farquer was hitting him with something inside a yellow plastic bag.
The victim went back inside the store, and Farquer followed him, whereupon the staff called police. Officers determined that the weapon was a one-dollar box of Moon Pies, which they confiscated as evidence before taking Farquer to the Knox County Jail on a battery charge.”
SCIENCE
I wasn’t going to blog about this until after the event took place – in the hope that they would post some video – but Kelly insisted that I would be doing a great service to those of you in NYC who may not already know.
The event is the World Science Festival in New York from May 28-June 1. SHOCKINGLY, Kelly Helder will not be attending. What’s even more shocking? Disney is going to be exhibiting a 21-FOOT ROBOT DINOSAUR!!!! Kelly’s head would explode.
“G-Force simulators, elephants with GPS, turning audience members into video game controllers, sounds coming out of your head, and things that go "boom" — its all part of the science behind the "make believe" at Walt Disney Imagineering. No one leaves empty-handed with all the fun giveaways! Did we mention walking dinosaurs, talking turtles, and more surprise guests?”
Sadly, she’ll be out of town that day.
What happens later that same day??? One of the exhibits is all about MAGIC and illusions of the mind.
“Eric Haseltine, neuroscientist and contributor to Discover Magazine, is paired with a prominent magician, in a mind-boggling demonstration of magic, brainpower and illusion. Watch things appear from thin air and disappear before our eyes! Is it magic or is it all in your brain?”
I wish I had waited two weeks to go to NY because this festival sounds amazing.
YOU FAIL AT LIFE
If you’re having just one of those days when nothing’s going right for you and you feel like a dumbass… hey, it could be worse. You could be someone in one of these pictures.
PLAY ME A SONG, CLOWN!!
So I really like music. FineTune is another music site I’ve “stumbled upon.” Musicovery got old after a while. Like Pandora, if you listened to it long enough, it would loop the same songs over and over again in the shuffle.
FineTune lets you search artists and listen to their entire albums, similar to Deezer. You can save your playlists, HOWEVER you have to have at least 45 songs on each playlist with a maximum of 3 songs per artist. Dumb, right? But they have an “I’m Lazy” button that fills in the gaps with related artists. But you can also post your playlist on your blog for everyone to listen to (Kelly?).
Since I brought it up already, Deezer’s pretty amazing. Just like FineTune, you can search artists and create your own playlists. The thing that makes Deezer stand out (other than not having playlist rules and limitations) is the option to upload and save your iTunes music in your playlists. The only downside is that Deezer is a French web site so the artists who aren’t as popular across the pond might not have music available at Deezer. Boo.
One day I shall find greatness.
IMPORTANT DATE: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia season 4 premieres on FX September 18th!!!!!!
5.27.2008
Five of the worst robots ... ever - TechHumorist
In a historical effort that made the rest of mankind ashamed of its accomplishments, NASA scientists celebrated the successful landing of the Phoenix on the surface of Mars Sunday night.
With its onboard laboratories, robotic arm and multitude of cameras, NASA's $420 million project is meant to prove one thing -- that robots are awesome. And I guess something else about life on Mars.
But this mechanical creation, which right now is happily employed digging ditches in icy Martian soil, isn't particularly representative of its autonomous brethren -- especially when it comes to consumer-driven products.
Click the jump for a look at the top five crappiest robots ever conceived by man.
#5 - Rolly
Have those Apple-tastic giant iPod earbud speakers become too boring for you? Are you prepared to take your love of unique and quirky electromechanical transducers to the next level?
Then boy does Sony have a product for you.
For just $400, you too can achieve your lifelong dream to get served by a seizure-inducing plastic egg.
Called the Rolly, this little dancing contraption rolls and spins while flashing neon lights and belting out your favorite tunes from its 180-degree speakers. In case your interests lie beyond Rolly's included dance moves from Avril Lavigne and Earth, Wind and Fire (which apparently Japan thinks runs the gamut of American musical taste), you can upload your own music to its 2GB flash memory. You can even breathe new life into your failed attempt at America's Best Dance Crew with its pre-installed Rolly Choreographer software.
It's good to see a company that still focuses on giving consumers what they really want -- the opportunity to die a horrible, embarrassing death after slipping on a randomly maneuvering spheroid while dancing naked in your living room. It's enough to make HAL 9000 proud.
And don't forget to watch things get real as Omarion challenges the Rolly to a dance off. Oh, the humanity.
#4 - Robot bartender
Go ahead. Push the red button. Do it.
I just hope you aren't expecting beer anytime soon, because after this barley-blaspheming gizmo is done with its one and only function, you could have brewed a pint yourself.
You'd think that time could at least be spent perfecting the pour, but it seems the Asahi Robocco is too busy yammering like a nine-year-old Japanese schoolgirl to avoid the five-inch head that results from its ghastly delivery. I don't speak Japanese, so I can't imagine what the thing is saying, but judging by the strain in the horrible contraption's LED anime-eyes, it seems to be talking you through its internal process of actually crapping the can out of its plastic innards.
What makes this product's failure even more epic is that a Duke graduate spent about $500 to construct his vastly superior robot, which in lieu of opening the can for you calculates your position and lobs a cold one to you.
Yeah, Japan. That's how we roll.
#3 - The "Chief Cook Robot"
Most consumers spend money and time looking to expand their pre-existing repertoire of meals by buying cookbooks or overdosing on the Food Network.
But researchers in Switzerland have turned that concept on its head with the development of the Chief Cook Robot. Now, anybody can teach their crappy recipes to an apparently paraplegic automaton with the ability to learn and recall motion.
This robot's not necessarily on track for the market, but disheartened latchkey kids with a hankering for Hamburger Helper should never underestimate the human desire for a clumsy, metallic sous chef that can stand in for mom and dad in a pinch.
If there's a demand, you can bet your Sam's Club bulk mayonnaise that we'll see the Chief on Williams-Sonoma shelves everywhere -- right next to the $3,700 coffeemaker.
Mmm. Mediocrity tastes like chicken.
#2 - Clocky
Do you have a deep-seated desire to be jolted awake by a dodgy little bastard of a machine that finds pleasure in eluding your grasp?
Well, look no further than Clocky, the newest iteration in nerdy alarm clocks meant for those of use who find it impossible to get out of bed in the morning.
After sounding the alarm, Clocky puts its oversized tires to work, rolling under your bed, wandering into the next room -- wherever it can get to force droopy-eyed, pre-caffeinated slackers to stomp around the house in an effort to snatch it and cease its inane beeping.
Although Clocky is only the runner-up in this awful list of robotic abortions, it takes the first prize for a secondary superlative -- "Device most likely to be bludgeoned to death by your bedside copy of I, Robot."
#1 - That change-eater thing from the 80s
Memories of this little machine are still fresh in my mind. Mostly due to my lasting and extreme bitterness over funneling most of my meager allowance down the gullet of this bucktoothed monstrosity, which resided smugly on a shelf in my friend's house down the street.
For children of the 80s and 90s, this squat Radio Shack-exclusive was the first glimpse at pretty much anything robotic, particularly within the confines of the home.
Robie the Banker, as he was called, slept until you placed a coin into his waiting claw. His eerie green eyes would shoot open and he'd swallow his new meal, with a wiggle that would, in humans, indicate the beginnings of a grand mal seizure. Then with a creepy flick of the tongue that showed a complete lack of respect for the uncanny valley, he would descend back into his deep slumber.
Aside from inspiring some truly epic Web sites, Robie firmed his position as the most awkward piggy(-bot?) bank ever, since you had to pry off his ass and dig through his guts to access your shiny haul.
But what makes Robie truly the worst robot ever is the fact that after the novelty of a coin-eating contraption wore off, consumers realized they just forked over real money to watch a relentless, unstoppable machine devour more of their money.
Then they remembered they already paid taxes.
So there you have it -- the foils to this weekend's spacefaring automaton, which so gently improved NASA's Mars success rate. They dance, they cook and they even turn currency into lunch.
Laugh now -- while we still can.
Most quoteable article ever written
Just in case you hadn't already heard the massive amounts of gossip surrounding the next season of MTV's Real World setting up shop in Brooklyn, you need to read this article: Gritty Brooklyn Reality.
This is the most quotable article ever written, and completely accurate. Watching the spoiled, self-absorbed, post-adolescent bullshit that composes Real World fodder will only be brought to the XXX-treme in the un-romantic downtown Brooklyn.
The type of welcome they can expect to meet...
Jack Paz, 27, owner of Jack’s Barber Shop, where a cut costs $12, said he did not have time to watch the show. “My wife’s into it,” he said. “She has nothing else to do in her life than sit home and watch TV. Her husband’s working.”
I can already imagine the Real World-ites reaction...
"Whhhaaattttt... where is our pimped out pad in the trendiest part of London? Where are our surf boards for the beaches of Hawaii? Where the white bitches at?"
And the producers...
"You've been punk-ed! muahahahaha."
