le Blogutopia

Bedazzlers + Jump roping on your butt

2008-07-14T22:45:00.018-04:00

I’m back! And I have a bedazzler! And feety pajamas waiting patiently to be encrusted with jewels and dazzle. The long lapse has been due to the many marriages engulfing my life this year and a vacation to Raleigh. Also my birthday (I'm 23!). A paper for my religion class. And perhaps my amazing new air conditioner, I just want to lay in its cold, cold embrace. And then, of course, there is "

Best Conversation Ever.

2008-06-23T16:36:00.007-04:00

Rebecca says: omg Rebecca says: i will be in london in like 5 days!!! kelly says: omg! kelly says: that is insaneee kelly writes: Rebecca says: LOL Rebecca writes: Rebecca says: i am the blue dot Rebecca says: in cornwall kelly writes: Rebecca says: omg LOVE Rebecca says: look at my lion!

The gays will revive the dying institution of marriage

2008-06-18T18:08:00.002-04:00

After the past few days and a heap of gay marriage stories, I was checking facebook neurotically, because, well, that is what I do. And I had a thought. If facebook doesn’t discriminate against same-sex unions, why does the United States? Crystal and I have been happily engaged for almost two years. We’d get married, but there are maturity issues at hand. Eventually we will. We are in <3. id="

Meg sent me this. AMAZING.

2008-06-18T15:54:00.001-04:00

What to do about spam via arrogant assholes

2008-06-17T17:54:00.003-04:00

I generally like people. And lately, I’ve liked people a lot more than usual because I’ve been so goddammed happy and gay and all those things. But there are certain attributes, mostly arrogance and elitism that come across in the form of impersonal mass emails, that get the better of my calm exterior and, thus, I begin instigating shiz via snarky replies. I find that works much better than, “

Pleo: the first dino we've ever had to fear - TechHumorist

2008-06-11T13:28:00.001-04:00

To the delight of pompous a-holes everywhere, Apple released its newest iteration of the industry-changing iPhone Monday, showcasing what a difference a year can make when it comes to gadgets. When ample supplies of device rolled out in late June 2007, much to the chagrin of douchebag e-bay entrepreneurs, critics assailed it for its lack of obvious features, including 3G support, which allows

Emotional and Technical difficulties: will pass with instillation of air conditioner among other things

2008-06-10T00:50:00.007-04:00

So. Im sorry I took a hiatus. Many things have happened over the past week, good and bad. So I thought I would take a moment to sit back and explain the technical and emotional difficulties of the week. 1) Technical difficulty: I left my camera in Maryland. And for those of you who don’t know, this is a VERY big deal. So large in fact that Bryan had to deliver it via the Jew bus along with

Rock bands prove Internet will make you famous - TechHumorist

2008-06-04T13:15:00.002-04:00

The Internet has proven once again that with a little social awkwardness and determination, anyone can be a rock star -- or at the very least, marginally famous. But this time, it seems the Web surfers were destined for stardom far beyond a brief appearance on Best Week Ever, where a panel made up of washed up entertainment icons, failed standup comedians and people who apparently just walked in

Annapolis is the "New" Hamptons

2008-06-02T23:57:00.003-04:00

After weeks of working and working and working, I needed a weekend of intense relaxation outside of the great New York City. Thus, I hopped a Vamoose bus Friday morning at 7:30 am to leave my cares and financial agony behind. I slept. I listened to my ipod. I exchanged eager text messages with Angie over the philosophy of being. Finally, the bus hit dry land, exploding with the anticipation

Scientology: The blending of my two favorite things...science + religion ( magic).

2008-05-28T23:35:00.005-04:00

Little known fact: I love religion. A lot. I have an entire del.ici.ous account devoted to articles about religion. Serious ones. And today I began a summer class at NYU about the history of religious art. But I often give off the opposite impression because I tend to poke fun at fanatical beliefs rather than examining their purpose and meaning. So I just want everyone to know that, hey, I

Web Site Webolumn

2008-05-28T23:06:00.018-04:00

MOON PIES This could be the greatest thing I’ve ever read in the news. “Homeless man allegedly attacks man with Moon Pies" Posted: May. 27, 2008 GALESBURG, Ill. — Police in Galesburg said a homeless man was arrested for allegedly attacking an 84-year-old man with a box of Moon Pies. The elderly man told police he was on his way out of a dollar store on Friday when he felt something striking

Five of the worst robots ... ever - TechHumorist

2008-05-27T17:34:00.017-04:00

In a historical effort that made the rest of mankind ashamed of its accomplishments, NASA scientists celebrated the successful landing of the Phoenix on the surface of Mars Sunday night. With its onboard laboratories, robotic arm and multitude of cameras, NASA's $420 million project is meant to prove one thing -- that robots are awesome. And I guess something else about life on Mars. But this

Most quoteable article ever written

2008-05-27T15:40:00.006-04:00

Just in case you hadn't already heard the massive amounts of gossip surrounding the next season of MTV's Real World setting up shop in Brooklyn, you need to read this article: Gritty Brooklyn Reality. This is the most quotable article ever written, and completely accurate. Watching the spoiled, self-absorbed, post-adolescent bullshit that composes Real World fodder will only be brought to the

Mr. Sunnyside Gossip Guy

2008-05-24T15:05:00.005-04:00

[by anonymous]So this week I read an article on Gawker about an Upper East Side middle schooler who thought it would be fun to emulate her favorite TV show, Gossip Girl, by writing her own catty blog. She made up a catchy little pseudonym, chronicled the minutia of pre-pubescent tweendom, and peppered it with phrases she could have only learned from the WB (eg; "Let's just say these two

Rock the Commute

2008-05-23T02:23:00.011-04:00

I left early for work Tuesday morning. It was raining and I figured that traffic would be moving slower than usual. Actually, I assumed it would be moving at it's normal rate seeing as it rains most days here in Oregon, but not at the accelerated summertime pace I've grown used to in recent sunny days. I was minding my own business, traveling discreetly along the 5 and listening intently to

Composing my own biography, also known as an “autobiography”

2008-05-22T17:04:00.007-04:00

So a few uh, people I know, began talking about biography writing today, which somehow led to an email list of how awesome mine would be. Thus, I thought I would take their suggestions and compose a work encompassing the greatness that is the first 22 years of my life… Kelly Lynn Helder was born in South Carolina in a large truck. It had been a rainy torrential night, but little K-Hel arrived

Game developers to your living room: 'We hate you'

2008-05-22T13:33:00.001-04:00

It seems the gaming industry overlords have made a unanimous decision concerning this summer's must-have gaming accessory. Barricaded a few months ago in their fortress constructed entirely of solid gold, discarded Red Bull cans and toxic console ingredients, game developers apparently agreed that to take part in the fun that is next-generation gaming, players must use the spare bedroom to fit

Wednesday Web site webolumn...

2008-05-22T08:15:00.005-04:00

This weeks web site wha wha in the butt...StumbleUpon Story: I usually compile an amazing list of web sites during the week, but as of Monday I had a whooping one site. When I spoke with Kelly about this little set back, she told me about a Firefox Add-on called “StumbleUpon” and it would soon be the single defining moment in my life [Ed note: b/c i am brilliant.] We all have come to

Not-so-live TV Blogging

2008-05-20T16:13:00.001-04:00

Season Finale-o-rama! So many amazing shows ended last night. Tear! I am so angry. But another good one began – smile! Oh, spoiler alerts (DUH!) Let’s start with the most important finale of all: Gossip Girl. OMFG, as the GG-ers would say. Dan and Georgina totally hooked up (“we didn’t have sex but we might as well have”) – what the fuck does that mean? Is that GG-speak for 3rd base or something

Nice beard. I like Wham!

2008-05-19T21:58:00.008-04:00

Season finale of Gossip Girl, so much happened blah blah blah, but the most important part is that Serena and Dan broke up, which means Serena needs a new man. Newsflash: Rocknrolldating.com. Begun by Daniel House, bass player for early Seattle grunge band Skin Yard (which of course I had never heard of), it pairs people according to their music preference and concert attendance schedule.

Weddings, Winners, and the C-Dub

2008-05-19T19:38:00.002-04:00

So much gossip this week! The biggest story, of course, is Ashlee Simpson’s Saturday wedding to Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy. The two tied the knot at the Simpson’s family home in California, with Jessica Simpson as the maid of honor, and Ashlee’s father Joe performing the service. I love that Joe Simpson found a way to make his daughter’s wedding yet ANOTHER Joe Simpson production. Oy. Many

Lady Catherine's Dog Park Etiquette

2008-05-18T19:01:00.005-04:00

When taking your adorable puppypants to a park, there are some things you need to keep in mind... fo sho... 1. Prerequisite Number One The requirement is simple and straight forward: have a dog. Visitors who constantly lurk through the dog park sans leash or canine are suspicious. Would you consider hanging out at a play ground crowded with young kids when you have no children? That is how we

I want your sex.

2008-05-16T17:08:00.002-04:00

Maxim’s “Hot 100” came out this week. Luckily, this time, I didn’t have to purchase the magazine in order to get the list like I had to for People. Although with People, I didn’t consider it a waste of money. However, with Maxim, a magazine that has no shame in objectifying women, I would feel cheap just buying the rag. Just a warning: I’ve already been judgmental, so I’m going to continue to be.

Science saves animals from drowning, bad street cred

2008-05-15T13:01:00.010-04:00

It seems science, much like Lady Justice and fans of emo music, doesn't discriminate. At least when it comes to setting the record straight on animals. Science came to the rescue today, helping polar bears avoid a slow and methodical death by drowning and correcting the stereotype about sloths. This incredible combination of cute and ugly proves what computer science majors have long known, that

Tricks 4 tricks: Choosing an outfit

2008-05-15T00:18:00.007-04:00

If there is one talent or skill to bust out when in dire need to impress the opposite sex it is, of course, magic. But before we delve into the intense art of card tricks and turning a $100 bill into 100 pennies, we must discuss the issue of attire. A magical presence is just as important as a quick slight of hand. Without the right presence a magician can fall wayside to just another drunken